After experiencing narcissistic abuse for decades from different people in different situations, I have realized that there is a way, which I call the 10-second technique, to tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist or not. Before you say, “Oh, come on, it’s not that easy. How is it possible?” hold your horses because I’m going to share my personal experiences with you and help you understand why this one thing they do within seconds of meeting you can be an indicator of their potential narcissistic personality.
So here goes the 10-second technique: within a couple of seconds of meeting somebody new, notice if pressure starts building up. If you feel like they’re being overly nice to you, open, compassionate, and kind, and they’re holding space for you, yet you still feel pressured—a sense of obligation developing, their hidden controlling nature manifesting itself in caring ways—you feel like they’re doing good things for you, they’re seeing you, but it still feels like it’s being imposed on you. You feel violated but suppress that feeling. Why? Because you respect the newly developing bond, the new friendship, the new relationship, or whatever it may be for you. There is immense pressure. A narcissist can put on a facade of being an open person, but they cannot help themselves; they cannot help but be controlling in acceptable ways.
Do you see where I’m going with this? Now, it may not always be about asking you to do things or forcing things on you. They may make moves that collectively help you see the picture if you remain objective throughout the situation. The moment you feel like you want to push back or say no, but you feel uncomfortable saying that, you’re afraid that might hurt them, you want to leave but can’t—that should be a sign that you are being pressured. That’s why I always say, go into your body. That is your “narc-meter,” where the actual knowledge comes from.
So here are the different ways this pressure can manifest in the early stages:
They may invite themselves over to your home non-consensually.
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