But why is he giving everything to the next woman? It doesn’t make sense. I wanted this, and he’s not giving it to me; instead, he’s giving it to her. Why was I not good enough? These are often the thoughts and questions that come to people’s minds when they see the toxic guy in their lives move on to the next woman, the new supply, able to do whatever he wants and connect with her however he wants.
All of a sudden, you’re left feeling abandoned, lost, confused, and ultimately feeling worthless and not good enough. Because if you were good enough, he would have done something different. If you had this before, if you were good enough… That thought often creeps into your mind: if you were good enough, then he would change. If you mattered enough, he would change. If there was enough value inside of you, then he would see that, acknowledge it, and actually do something different.
The hard part about this thought process is that you’re relying too much on your influence over another person instead of understanding that his choices are his choices; they aren’t dependent on you. It’s strange because you have a toxic relationship with a very narcissistic guy, and it becomes all about him. Then you start to think, “If I had done something different, he would have changed,” and you make it about you.
Now, bear with me and don’t run away because I’m not attacking you. I’m just trying to expose a little bit here, saying that often the focus weirdly comes back onto you. “If I was good enough, he would have stayed. If I had given more sex, he wouldn’t have cheated. If I had… if I had…” You think you had something to do with it. The harsh reality is you didn’t. All you had to do with it was simply being someone in his life that he used and abused. It wasn’t that you made him do this; he made his own decisions.
Often, when you’re in the relationship, you might not want to believe it was his decision; you want to believe it was your fault. Sometimes that’s because he’s already projected and told you that it’s your fault, repeating it over and over again and making you feel completely at fault. A lot of times, he’ll continue that thought process after the relationship as he moves on to the next woman.
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