I believe there is not only memory suppression but also memory gaps that can occur over time due to the toxic environment created by the narcissist. Imagine lying to 30 different people every day for 30 years; eventually, you might forget which version of the story is true.
However, I don’t mention this to excuse their behavior. Any type of memory loss does not justify their actions. A narcissist often grapples with the incongruence between who they are and the mask they present to the world. They will do anything to avoid looking bad or confronting their shame.
Sometimes, narcissists will gaslight themselves as a tactic to feel better. They may twist the narrative, convincing themselves that the abuse was justified because the other person “deserved it.” They change the story to reduce their discomfort and avoid confronting their guilt.
In contrast, we discuss “rewriting” in terms of narcissists altering their past to avoid accountability. They change true events into falsehoods to feel better about themselves. On the other hand, we help survivors “rewire” their beliefs back to reality, guiding them away from false narratives.
Narcissists often forget things to maintain their self-image and minimize the discomfort of dealing with shame and guilt. They may gaslight you, claiming things didn’t happen, leading you to question your memory and judgment.
Another aspect is compartmentalization. Narcissists often compartmentalize their actions, emotions, and thoughts to avoid accountability. For example, they might deal with sadness in one compartment, then shut it away and forget about it. This allows them to avoid facing their emotions.
In conclusion, narcissists often “forget” things to protect their self-image. They use gaslighting, manipulation, and compartmentalization to avoid accountability. If you are in a relationship with a toxic person who isn’t honest, vulnerable, or showing consistent change, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and consider leaving.
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