But what comes after that? When the love bombing doesn’t work, they’ll try something else: enter the guilt card, the pity play. “How could you do this to us? You’ve changed. You’re not the same person.” If you have kids or a family, that’s where the real pressure comes in. They’ll try to make you feel like you’re the one at fault, the one who’s damaged everything. It’s a manipulation game designed to make you second-guess yourself. “Maybe I need to change.” You’ll wonder, “Maybe I’m the one to blame.”
But here’s the truth: nothing is going to change with them. Nothing. When guilt doesn’t reel you in, prepare for the gaslighting and projection to kick into high gear. They’ll flip the script, telling you that you’re the narcissist. It’s like a crazy mirror game where you end up questioning yourself, wondering, “Am I the one doing this?” Many of my viewers have come to me asking, “Am I the narcissist?” It’s a classic sign of projection. The narcissist, deep down, knows their behavior is toxic, but they’ll never admit it. Instead, they build a narrative that casts them as the victim and you as the problem.
If you’ve ever called them out, especially by labeling them a narcissist, you can expect to be bombarded with terms like “narcissistic” or “abusive,” all projected right back at you. In this chaos, you’ll be left to wonder if it’s really you causing the issues. The big blows are easier to spot—the obvious abuse that makes you say, “No, that’s not me; that’s them.” But it’s the subtle, smaller slights, the little emotional pebbles they throw, that leave you questioning everything. One of my viewers shared that it wasn’t the big moments of abuse that did the most damage; it was those little repeated incidents that wore them down. It’s a constant state of confusion where you wonder, “Did I cause that? Did I provoke them?”
And during all of this, expect to hear that you need therapy—couples therapy to fix things. That’s another tactic to make you doubt yourself. “Maybe we can work this out.” They’ll suggest just enough to plant the seed of doubt. The goal is simple: to keep you questioning if you’re really with a narcissist or if you just need to fix things. Spoiler alert: you can’t fix them. You can’t fix a personality disorder; it doesn’t work that way.
So, what comes next? If the gaslighting doesn’t break you, get ready for more anger and, yes, probably some emotional blackmail. It’s the final stage of their manipulation—a desperate attempt to pull you back into the emotional chaos they thrive on.
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