Let’s talk about number two: home is their emotional dumping ground. Why do some people save their worst behavior for the ones closest to them? Dr. Les Carter, a psychologist specializing in personality disorders, explains that narcissists view their closest relationships as extensions of themselves, not as individuals with their own needs. Since they believe they own their partner or family, they feel entitled to use them as emotional dumping grounds. They spend the day playing the charming, generous saint for the outside world, but once they step through the front door, the exhaustion of keeping up the act turns into rage, cruelty, or stone-cold indifference. To them, impressing strangers is worth the effort more than keeping up appearances at home.
This is why you might see a narcissist light up around coworkers or acquaintances but turn cold and dismissive the second they’re alone with their family. Since their public image is their greatest weapon, they reserve their worst behavior for the people they think they don’t need to fool. And that’s the real gut punch: while you’re left confused and drained by their emotional whiplash, the rest of the world sees them as a saint.
Let’s move on to number three: they use public acts of kindness as cover. Since narcissists know that public perception is their best weapon, they put on a show of kindness, generosity, and charm where it counts. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing, explains that manipulative personalities craft an image that makes them untouchable. So when victims speak out, they’re instantly dismissed. This is why they’ll donate to charity, help a stranger in need, or crack jokes to win over a crowd—all while their family or partner knows the truth. This saint can be a monster at home. By making sure the world sees them as good, they build a protective shield around themselves. They collect witnesses to their goodness, so that if you dare speak up about their cruelty, you’re met with disbelief, and people rush to defend the narcissist instead. It’s the ultimate gaslighting trap. You start wondering if you’re the problem because everyone else seems to adore them.
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