They’re afraid of being seen as difficult. If you’ve been with a narcissist, you’ve probably been called too sensitive, needy, or difficult so many times that you started believing it. Now, even with people who care about you, you tiptoe around your needs, fearing they’ll see the flawed version of you that the narcissist invented. Psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of The Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explains, “When you’re used to emotional invalidation, you begin to police your own feelings to stay likable.” But here’s the truth: having needs doesn’t make you difficult; it makes you human. Real friends are not allergic to your truth; they want to know it.
They were taught that love is conditional. When someone only gave you affection when you pleased them and pulled it away when you didn’t, it taught you that love is a reward, not a right. You learned to walk on eggshells to please, perform, and pretend just to feel wanted. Dr. Margaret Paul, co-author of Healing Your Aloneness, calls this conditional love training, where your worth becomes tied to how well you serve others’ needs instead of honoring your own. Now, even with healthy-minded friends, your nervous system might whisper to be careful about taking up too much space, or they’ll leave. However, real love—the kind that lasts—isn’t earned by shrinking; it shows up when you stand tall in your truth.
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