Depression keeps you stuck in a cycle where isolation feels like the only relief. But that same isolation makes healing even harder. Socializing feels like running a marathon with no training. It’s not that you don’t want connection; it’s that you don’t have the energy for it. Social gatherings require effort—smiling, making conversation, pretending you’re fine when you’re not. And after years of having your emotions dismissed or ridiculed, faking it feels exhausting. As Johan Hari writes in Lost Connections, the opposite of depression isn’t happiness; it’s connection. The problem is that when your trust is broken and your self-worth is low, reaching out doesn’t feel like an option. So you withdraw, not because you don’t care, but because you’re just trying to survive one day at a time.
Avoiding social gatherings after narcissistic abuse isn’t about being unfriendly; it’s about self-preservation. When trust is shattered and socializing feels exhausting instead of comforting, stepping back makes sense. If someone you know constantly withdraws or turns down invitations, don’t take it personally. Offer patience and a safe space instead of pressure. And if you’re the one struggling, remember this: you don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace. Heal at your own pace and surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, not drained.
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