Social gatherings can become overwhelming after years of dealing with a narcissist. It’s the result of constant criticism and gaslighting that makes you doubt your worth. According to Dr. Nina W. Brown, author of Children of the Self-Absorbed, narcissists create deep self-doubt, making victims overly self-conscious socially. Even when people are just being friendly, your brain might twist it into judgment or rejection. This fear can become so strong that avoiding people feels safer than risking embarrassment. But as psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendrickson points out in her book How to Be Yourself, social anxiety is often rooted in the false belief that everyone is watching and judging you. In reality, most people are too caught up in their thoughts to scrutinize you. Breaking free from this fear starts with challenging those old narratives. Remind yourself that you deserve to take up space, be heard, and be accepted just as you are.
Overstimulation
Your nervous system is basically on high alert all the time due to the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. Your brain short-circuits when you step into a crowded room filled with noise, movement, and overlapping conversations. You’re not just hearing sounds; you’re processing every tiny detail, looking for signs of danger or disapproval. This is called hypervigilance, a common trauma response where your brain stays stuck in survival mode. Dr. Judith Herman, in her book Trauma and Recovery, explains that trauma survivors often struggle with sensory overload because their nervous systems have been trained to expect conflict or manipulation. Instead of enjoying the moment, you might feel exhausted just trying to keep up with everything happening around you. Your mind races, your heart pounds, and the urge to escape takes over. That’s not you being antisocial; it’s your body trying to protect you. Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, notes that people with heightened sensitivity—often trauma survivors—need more downtime to recover from overstimulating environments.
Struggles with Small Talk
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