There are so many things that have happened, but because your brain is so traumatized, it can’t pull up a memory. They take advantage of that psychological injury and give you counter-examples. They might say, “You blame me for abandoning you, but every single time we fight, I am the one who comes to fix it. I am the one who wants to have sex with you. I am the one who acts nicely. I am the one who’s willing to forgive and move on. Yet, you hold on to a grudge. You are the one who still feels angry, needs space, needs time. You’re the one who is oversensitive, and you have the audacity to blame me for abandoning you? Come on, in what world do you live?“
They bend your reality. They reshape it. They reshape your thought processes, especially your perceptions. You then start thinking, “What the hell is wrong with me? This person is so right. Yes, they’re the one who comes to fix the situation after we have had an intense fight. They’re the one who wants to quickly move on. They are the one willing to forgive. They’re the one who wants to get intimate. I’m the one not ready for it, so it must be my fault. I must be making it up.” That is how they evade responsibility. That’s how they stop you from holding them accountable. Do you see how deep this tactic goes? Just one question can destroy your entire perception and experience of it.
The narcissist’s birthday obsession
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