The third thing you can expect to come down the pipeline if the guilt and pity don’t work is a ton of projection. Now the narrative is that they haven’t done anything wrong; it was actually YOU who has done all of those bad and terrible things. Not only that, but every single thing you have ever done wrong in this relationship AND anything you have shared with them about something you did wrong in your entire lifetime will be hurled back at you. The projection, deflection, blame-shifting, and every single tactic they can come up with to get the attention off of them and onto you will be employed. This is a tricky time for the victim because usually, the narcissist is accusing us of things that we never did or are gross exaggerations of something that happened, and it’s hard in these heated moments not to get sidetracked and buy into this trick by defending ourselves. Do not take the bait; don’t fall for this trick. It’s a calculated strategy to get the focus off them and onto you.
Next, if the projection, deflection, and blame-shifting are unsuccessful, the narcissist will attempt to triangulate you through ridiculous narratives. They will claim that everyone you both know realizes your new beliefs or perspectives are off base or that everyone thinks you’re crazy or off your rocker. They will call in the “flying monkeys” and get them to persuade and influence you that you’re mistaken and overreacting. This stage can be incredibly confusing for the victim, often producing a massive wave of cognitive dissonance. If you’re unaware of what that is or what exactly is happening, the probability that a victim will cave during this stage is probably around 90% or more. It’s incredibly difficult and confusing when third parties get called in and start gaslighting us as well. Knowing what flying monkeys are and what gaslighting looks like is critical.
Next, if all the tactics I have mentioned have been unsuccessful, and the narcissist still feels you are a significant threat, things usually take a turn for the worse and become more dangerous. Now we have arrived at the fifth stage, which is when the narcissist will move into using threats and intimidation, often coupled with narcissistic rage. At this point, the narcissist has lost their patience with you and will try to strong-arm you back into submission, making you play the role they have designated for you. This can include physical intimidation, breaking things, screaming, threats, and demands. In the narcissist’s mind, you have crossed a line, and at this point, they usually see this as war. This can be an extremely dangerous time for the victim, and nothing should be prioritized over your safety.
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