Today, I’m going to talk about flying monkeys. In this article, I will discuss what to do when the narcissist in your life starts turning other people against you. For those of you embedded in this narcissistic world, you may know the terminology; flying monkeys is one of them. Flying monkeys refer to when a narcissistic individual comes into your life, or is already in your life, and starts reaching out to the people who are important to you—these could be your parents, friends, siblings, co-workers, or others in your network—and starts telling them awful things about you. The hope is to weaken your support structure and bring those people over to the narcissist’s side to support them.
The most common way we see the flying monkey dynamic play out is during a divorce. Because the married couple knows each other’s extended families, the narcissistic spouse will start talking to people in their spouse’s world and begin saying terrible things about them to turn those people into their own allies. This undercuts the supports of the healthy person in the relationship, allowing the narcissist to stand even stronger against them. For the person on the other side of this, it fills them with even more self-doubt. They are already being gaslighted left and right in their narcissistic relationship, and now the people around them are doubting them even more.
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