This mindset sets them up to look for scapegoats—someone to blame and put the fault onto. They become perpetually defensive; if you say, “Hey, there’s a perspective I’d like you to hear,” they can’t hear it. They don’t want to receive any input; instead, they engage in victim blaming, victimizing you and then blaming you for having bad reactions.
This also leads to a lack of patience. They cannot be patient. When you’re trying to manage life in a healthier way, sometimes you just have to float some things for a while that require patience. They won’t listen, which is part of their lack of empathy and their fantasy mindset. They’re prone to lies, deception, cover-up, and dishonesty because they think, “If I go too much into the honesty category, that’s not going to help my cause.” They’re psychologically evasive and slippery when you try to pin them down regarding commitments. They operate with a chronic attitude of insistence: “I insist; I’m coercing you into being the person I want you to be.” They can come across as highly controlling.
All the while, they won’t say this out loud, but they illustrate, “I have my fantasies, and I’m going to fall apart when they don’t come true. I want to escape dealing with life as it is.” This tells me, as a therapist, that these individuals are in chronic pain and confusion, and their coping skills are so weak that their only pain management skill is to force you into compliance. They just can’t cope with life.
The implications of this for you are significant. First, I hope you realize you’ll never measure up to that person. So when they come at you with their judgments and criticisms, rather than collapsing, accept that in their fantasy escapist mindset, you’ll never measure up.
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
