Additionally, they want to sidestep people who have needs. If you come along and say, “I’m struggling, I have issues, and I’m hurting,” the narcissist thinks, “Do I have to deal with something like this too? That’s too inconvenient.” Empathy, humility, helpfulness, and servitude are in short supply with these individuals. They might try to do some things on the surface to look better, but the bottom line is, “I don’t want to continue to have to do that.”
They also want to escape complexity. When you get to know groups of people, you realize there are many ways they don’t act or prioritize like you do. But the narcissist thinks, “Just do what I say; let’s get rid of these complexities.” They want you to conform and blend instead of having to harmonize any differences.
So, when differences and strains arise between you and the narcissist, they act like a self-absorbed child who says, “I want what I want, and I want it right now.” They throw a temper tantrum if they don’t get their way and retreat into a fantasy. When a seven-year-old thinks this way, you might think they’ll eventually grow up and realize that’s not how it works. But the adult narcissist is more or less implying, “I haven’t grown out of that; I’m too weak and incompetent to manage life on its own terms. I have to have the final word; I want to escape the strains and difficulties that come with being a responsible adult.”
When they have this escapist mindset, it creates so much difficulty that they blame you for. For example, it leads them to be woefully angry at you. When you don’t get with the program and say, “We need to face hard reality and some difficulties,” they think, “How dare you try to bring anything to me?” They can be overwhelming in their anger and can hold you in contempt. With many narcissists, there’s just one false statement you can make that will set off their anger, as it’s always right there under the surface. They think, “Nobody does things to me that inconvenience me.
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