Then comes the forbidden feeling: shame. Beneath the shock, rage, and paranoia lies something they will never admit. Being outsmarted slices through their false self like a blade. For a split second, they are forced to see the truth they have been running from their whole life: they are not as clever, powerful, or untouchable as they pretend to be. This shame is unbearable to them; it feels like annihilation. Narcissists spend their entire lives constructing a false identity to hide from that very feeling.
To be reminded of their smallness, insecurity, and fragility is torture. You become the mirror that reflects their true self back at them, and that reflection is too painful to look at. Instead of acknowledging it, they bury it under more rage, paranoia, and, of course, more lies. They cannot sit with shame; they have to escape it at all costs.
Desperate Calculations: Rewriting Reality
They become highly calculated because they cannot sit with the shame we discussed. They quickly flip into calculation. Their mind races to rewrite the story. They ask themselves, “How do I twist this? How do I punish them for daring to see the truth? How do I make sure I come out as the winner again?” This is when you may see them suddenly laugh things off, pretending you misinterpreted them, or they may switch tactics overnight, moving from coldness to love-bombing, from anger to fake calm.
They rewrite conversations, gaslight your memory, and then try to convince you that you are the unstable one. They may even change the narrative publicly, painting you as the betrayer, the liar, and the manipulator. For them, reality is very flexible. Facts do not matter as much as appearances. As long as they can bend the story into one where they are in control, they feel safe again, but underneath it all, the humiliation still burns.
The Final Stage: Twisted Admiration and Envy
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