This is why they often rush to reestablish contact after a silent disappearance. They are trying to re-synchronize the timeline. They need to slow the ending down, reopen it, or rewrite it, so it unfolds at a pace that restores their sense of superiority. All of this forces them to consume their own shame. It is crucial to understand that narcissists cannot regulate their own self-esteem or emotions effectively. We have talked about this before. They do not process shame internally because it is a graveyard inside. They export it. They project it onto you. When they feel weak, they provoke you until you look weak, and then they feel strong again. When they feel chaotic, they create chaos in your life, and then they feel calm.
You’re not just a partner to them; you are a container for their negative emotions. The final conversation is usually the final dump. It is their last chance to offload their internal misery onto you, to blame you for the failure, and to walk away feeling light and cleansed while you are left carrying the heavy emotional baggage. When you disappear without that conversation, you remove the container. You seal the lid. They are left holding every bit of insecurity, rage, and shame that they intended to dump on you. They cannot purge it because you’re not there to catch it. This causes a buildup of emotional toxicity within them that they do not know how to handle. They are forced to sit with these festering feelings they have spent their entire lives avoiding, without you there to act as a vessel for their dysfunction. They risk drowning in it themselves. They needed that last fight, not to prove a point, but to get the poison out of their system. By disappearing, you left them to sicken in their own supply.
Sharing is caring!