Finally, we’re down to number nine: the Defensive Declaration. “Kevin wasn’t the bad guy here; he was just being honest.” That’s the defensive declaration at work, a classic narcissist move to dodge blame by wrapping cruelty in so-called truth. When you hear that line, what you’re dealing with is someone who’s gaslighting you, spinning their hurtful words as objective fact so they don’t have to own the fallout. As Dr. Harriet Breaker, author of Who’s Pulling Your Strings?, warns, “Defensive declarations are manipulative shields used to deflect responsibility and keep you off balance.” In the documentary Surviving Narcissism, experts point out that framing mean behavior as tough love or honesty is a way to maintain control without ever admitting wrongdoing. So next time Kevin pulls out that line, remember that genuine honesty doesn’t come with a side of emotional sabotage.
Next time you hear a narcissist talking about themselves in the third person, you’ll know their hidden agenda. It’s a tactic for them to inflate their importance and control the conversation. This behavior also helps them avoid emotional vulnerability and distance themselves from others. While it may sound strange, it’s a clear sign of how they see themselves as above everyone else. Recognizing this can help you spot narcissism and protect your boundaries.
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