Are you still up for number six? The Faux Humble Brag. Narcissists often try to come off as modest while secretly fishing for praise. When Carmen says, “Carmen doesn’t want attention,” but somehow Carmen always ends up in the spotlight, she’s ensuring that all eyes are on her, even though she pretends it’s by accident. Psychologist Dr. Craig Malin explains that this is a classic tactic to manipulate others into admiring them without seeming like they’re asking for it. It’s a clever little mind game—making a big deal of not wanting attention while still making sure you’re the one everyone’s watching. By doing this, narcissists create an illusion of humility, which makes others more likely to give them the praise they’re really craving. They’ve mastered the art of getting what they want without ever having to directly ask for it—it’s like fishing for compliments without casting a line.
Let’s keep it moving to number seven: the Emotional Outsourcing. When Michael says, “Michael doesn’t feel anger; Michael feels betrayal,” what he’s really doing is deflecting all responsibility for his emotions onto others. Instead of owning his anger or frustrations, he’s shifting the blame to you, making it about how you made him feel rather than acknowledging his own role in the situation. Dr. Wendy Bahari, a clinical psychologist and expert on narcissistic personality disorder, calls this emotional outsourcing because it allows the narcissist to avoid taking ownership of their feelings and instead offload them onto others. It’s like playing a game where the narcissist always gets to be the victim, and you’re stuck holding the emotional baggage.
Here comes number eight: the Delusional Life Coach Vibe. Have you ever met someone who sounds like a walking TED Talk about themselves? When a narcissist starts talking in the third person as if they’re some enlightened guru mentoring the world, but the world is actually just you trying not to cringe, they’ll say things like, “When Jessica faces adversity, Jessica rises,” turning everyday struggles into motivational monologues as if they’re starring in a self-help documentary no one asked for. It’s not inspiration; it’s self-worship disguised as wisdom. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, in her book Don’t You Know Who I Am?, says that narcissists often craft a false self that’s built to impress, not connect. This third-person life coach is just a performance; they’re not trying to help you grow; they’re trying to prove they’ve already arrived. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there wondering when the seminar ends and the real person shows up.
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