Your brain wasn’t designed to live in a war zone, but that’s exactly what hypervigilance turns it into. When you’re around a narcissist, you never know when the next explosion will happen. You’re always watching for subtle changes in their tone, body language, or mood shifts. This state of constant alertness is called hypervigilance, and it’s exhausting. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, explains that trauma rewires your nervous system, keeping you stuck in fight or flight mode even when there’s no immediate danger. When your brain is that overworked, you barely have the energy to do the basics, let alone keep up with hygiene.
Brushing your teeth feels unnecessary, and you keep pushing your shower time to tomorrow, after tomorrow. Your mind is too busy scanning for threats to focus on something as small as self-care. The problem is this kind of exhaustion doesn’t just go away with rest; your body is running on empty because it never truly powers down. Even in safe moments, your nervous system is still bracing for impact. Dr. Peter Levine, a trauma expert, calls this a stuck stress response. Your body and mind are so used to chaos that they don’t know how to relax, making even simple tasks feel impossible. Your brain is prioritizing survival, not self-care.
But here’s the truth: taking care of yourself isn’t just about hygiene; it’s about reclaiming control.
3. Cognitive Fog
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