Often, narcissistic folks can’t win on their birthdays. They often want that day to be something more grandiose and corrective, and it simply can’t be. Over time, people in long-term relationships of any kind with narcissistic folks may feel tense as that narcissistic person’s birthday approaches. I mean, none of us are mind readers, right? So we don’t know whether to make the narcissistic person’s birthday a big deal, a small deal, go to work, don’t go to work, plan something—then what do you plan? What gift do you get them? How much to spend? On and on.
And every year, it’s very likely that something more bizarre happens on their birthday. Some new birthday tragedy unfolds, which really can make these days fraught for everyone in the narcissist’s life. There is hypocrisy when you forget their birthday. If they forget yours, you may not even care and not even bring it up. But if you forget theirs, even if they forgot yours, be prepared.
Strangely, I’ve had folks tell me that the narcissistic person in their life would sometimes wish them happy birthday on the completely wrong day—like they’d be off by a month or so. Then on the right day, they’d forget it, and then they would get mad when the other person did not wish them happy birthday on the right day. But when they reminded the narcissist, “Hey, when you actually said happy birthday to me, it was way the wrong day,” the narcissist will tell the person, “You’re being awful, and at least I remembered it.” They’ll say, on the wrong day. It’s like someone telling someone happy new year on June 13th to get ahead of it and then claiming that they wished you a happy new year on January 1st. It’s very twisted.
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