There’s a tortured thought that runs quietly in the background: “If only I had lied better. If only I had hidden that message. If only I had played the game smarter, I wouldn’t have lost control.” That’s the kind of regret that fuels rage when you don’t respond to the late-night “I miss you” or the sudden friendly message after months of silence. When attempts to hoover you back fail, the narcissist switches to scorched earth: “If I can’t have access to you, I’ll try to ruin how others see you.”
Now, here’s where you come in—not as a victim stuck in the past, but as someone being called into a higher life. You are not like the narcissist. You’re wired differently. You have a conscience. You replay your words and ask, “Did I go too far?” You apologize. You reflect. You wrestle with right and wrong. You’re the kind of person many don’t fully understand because this world often rewards the loud, the shallow, and the self-promoting. The narcissist was drawn to that light in you—the depth, the compassion, the spiritual sensitivity. You were chosen not because you are weak but because you are strong and safe. The narcissist knew on some level that you try to understand, try to forgive, and try to fix. But abuse has a strange way of becoming a doorway.
When you finally leave, you pass through something many have called the dark night of the soul: confusion, brain fog, sleepless nights, tears that seem to come from somewhere deeper than your own story. Yet, if you stay with the process, if you lean into therapy, prayer, journaling, support, and learning, you don’t just crawl out of that darkness—you rise out of it. That’s what psychology calls post-traumatic growth. Your boundaries get stronger. Your discernment sharpens. You become less naive but not less kind. You learn to see patterns earlier. You learn what love is not, so you can finally receive what love truly is.
From a spiritual standpoint, there’s something bigger at work. Life isn’t random; there’s a law woven into the fabric of existence: you reap what you sow. Some call it karma; some call it cause and effect; some simply call it justice. You can’t plant thorns and expect a harvest of grapes. The narcissist is sowing lies, manipulation, selfishness, and betrayal. There’s only one kind of harvest that comes from those seeds: chaos, loneliness, and confusion. There might be spurts of pleasure, seasons of apparent victory, but the long-term pattern always bends toward emptiness. And you were never meant to stay stuck in that field.
5 Signs a Narcissist Has Downgraded You From Grade-A Supply to a Mere Backup
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