That’s why they can scream at you and then calmly attend church. That’s why they can smear you and then post about toxic people. That’s why they can terrorize their own family and still genuinely see themselves as the good one. The entitlement overrides integrity.
Another thing that deeply unsettles survivors is the lack of guilt. You cry; they don’t soften. You explain your pain, and they may laugh, mock, or even escalate things. Why? Because guilt requires empathy. To feel remorse, you must emotionally register that another human being is separate from you and that your behavior has hurt them. Narcissistic structures struggle with that. Others are often experienced as extensions of the self. So when they harm you, they don’t process it as “I hurt someone”; they process it as “I restored my balance.” That’s chilling, but that’s how their psychology works—it’s a blend of emotional underdevelopment and entitlement.
Now, here’s the part that hurts the most. Most of the time, the public believes them, which can feel like the deepest betrayal. But understand this: narcissists invest heavily in reputation management. They are careful about where witnesses are present. They are charming in social settings and generous when it benefits their image. You saw the private self; the world sees the curated brand. You saw the factory; they saw the storefront. When you threaten the storefront, they don’t respond emotionally; they respond strategically.
That’s when smear campaigns begin. That’s when flying monkeys appear. That’s when the narrative gets rewritten, because protecting the image is protecting the ego, and the ego is everything. Here’s the irony: they obsess over appearing moral, but morality is what you do when no one is watching. True integrity is consistent in private.
The narcissist’s greatest fear isn’t losing you; it’s exposure. If the mask collapses, the false self collapses with it, and that is psychologically intolerable to them. So if you lived this, if you watched someone perform public virtue while privately destroying you, understand this very clearly: you were not crazy. You were not imagining it. You were seeing behind the curtain. And that’s the part they cannot tolerate because anyone who sees clearly becomes dangerous.
Sharing is caring!