This brings us to Phase Two, the reality check. This is where the cracks start to appear. The newness begins to fade, the adrenaline of the breakup wears off, and actual life sets in. If they are with a new partner, the honeymoon phase starts to end. Initially, the new partner was a fresh promise, merely an audience member clapping for the narcissist performance. But eventually, the new partner tries to be a real person, which is quite expected.
They stop clapping for everything and may ask questions like, “Hey, why didn’t you pay the electric bill?” or “Can you help me with the dishes?” or “Why are you still talking to your ex?” To a normal person, these questions are typical, but to a narcissist, they feel like insults and personal attacks. They start to feel annoyed, thinking, “I left my ex to escape this nagging, and now this new person is doing it too.” They begin to realize that this new partner is a human being with needs, not a robot designed to worship their ego. The fantasy of having a perfect savior who would never challenge them begins to crumble.
The boring parts of life start to pile up. You’re not there to handle the mess or manage appointments, soothe their ego after a bad day at work, or listen to the same old stories for the hundredth time. They start to feel a bit of friction; the pink cloud is evaporating, and they are landing back on the hard ground of their chaotic life. They are beginning to get bored, and for a narcissist, boredom is terrifying.
Phase Three: The Comparison Game
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