Stop trying to be the bigger person with that narcissist. You have convinced yourself that taking the high road makes you noble, but in a relationship with a narcissist, the high road is not a path of peace. It’s a highway they use to run you over. When you refuse to fight back, swallow your truth to keep the peace, and stay polite while they scream insults at your face, you are not winning a moral victory. You are not teaching them how to be kind either. You are teaching a predator that you are safe to abuse. You’re signing a contract that says, “You can hurt me, and I will not only take it; I will polish your image while you do it.” You think you are deescalating the conflict, but you are actually fueling their god complex. You are validating their illusion that they are superior and you are beneath them.
Now, I’m not victim-blaming at all. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am speaking the plain truth, and none of what I share with you is a conscious doing on your part. This all happens unconsciously, without your knowing. And that’s why I need to speak plainly. I have to tell you what not to do.
If you are trying to be the bigger person in a narcissistic relationship, you’re doomed. I will show you how. The very tools you use to maintain relationships with healthy people are backfiring. I’m talking about your empathy, forgiveness, patience, and understanding. These are the exact weapons that the narcissistic demons use to dismantle your sanity. You are playing a game of chess with a pigeon. You’re trying to use logic and morality while they are just knocking over the pieces and strutting around as if they won. The longer you try to be the bigger person, the smaller you become. Eventually, you shrink and fade until there is nothing left of you but a shell that exists solely to absorb the toxicity.
Today, we will delve deeper into why this high-road mentality is actually a trauma response, how the narcissist weaponizes your morality against you, and exactly what you need to do instead to stop the bleeding. You don’t take the high road because you enjoy suffering. As I mentioned before, you do it because perhaps you were trained to do it. Maybe you were raised in a home where having boundaries was called “talking back.” Perhaps society taught you that being a good woman or a good partner means having endurance. You may have this deep-seated belief that if you love them enough, show them enough grace, or absorb enough of their anger without reacting, they will eventually wake up. You think they will look at you and say, “Wow, look how patient you have been. Look how much you have sacrificed. I should change. I should treat you better.” That never happens.
I need you to hear this very clearly: that moment is never coming. It is a fantasy—a movie script running in your head. In a narcissist’s mind, a completely different movie is playing. In your movie, your silence is dignity. In theirs, your silence is submission. In your movie, your forgiveness is a gift. In theirs, your forgiveness is permission. When you act like the bigger person, you operate under the assumption that the narcissist has a conscience. You assume that they feel guilt the way you feel guilt. You assume that when they lay their head on the pillow at night, they replay the fight and feel bad about how they treated you. They do not.
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!