Why? Because you are a human being, which means you have flaws, you have needs, and you have moments of vulnerability—something they do not expect you to have. The moment those imperfections show, the narcissist’s illusion corrects itself. The person you are in reality does not match the idealized snapshot they have captured in their head, which ultimately leads to the development of cracks in their illusion.
And you know one thing about narcissists: they do not like cracks at all. They have to hide it; they have to contain it. They do not pause to reflect or repair. They do not try to understand or accept; they do not compromise. Instead, they begin to devalue you subtly at first—little criticisms, small jabs that feel off but are easy to dismiss. Moments of coldness, emotional distance, and eventually, everything becomes harsher—overly harsh comparisons, dismissive attitudes. Suddenly, you’re no longer enough.
This is where the “grass is greener” syndrome actually kicks in. Narcissists have a deep-rooted fear of emotional discomfort. The moment a relationship demands vulnerability, accountability, or deeper emotional connection, they feel suffocated, choked. So they convince themselves that the problem isn’t within them; it is you. Ultimate self-gaslighting. It is the relationship; it is the circumstances.
They begin to fantasize that life would be better if only they were with someone else, if only they had a different job, if only their partner didn’t expect so much. But all of that is a big lie. What they are really doing is running from the parts of themselves they do not want to confront. To them, a new person feels like a fresh start—someone who hasn’t yet seen their flaws, someone who will admire them without expectation, someone they expect to act like a doormat.
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