You need to ask yourself how you want to organize your life moving forward. You may not be ready to answer all these questions just yet, but the goal is to shift your mindset. While you can engage in shaping your environment to gain a sense of control, it shouldn’t become your sole focus. You should redirect that focus inward and work on organizing your emotions, as they may feel chaotic.
Creating your own closure is essential in resolving this obsession. You don’t have an overthinking or overdoing problem; rather, your system is stuck in a constant flight response. The flight response is a trauma response, a survival mechanism activated when we face potential danger. We respond in three ways: by fighting, fleeing, or freezing. When you were with that narcissist, you were stuck in a constant state of freeze and collapse, which is why you felt drained and struggled with chronic fatigue.
Now that you feel the predator has gone and you can finally breathe, your nervous system is still in a state of hyperarousal. There’s so much unrest within because survival energy is trapped in your body. Your body needs movement, which is why you may feel restless and then collapse from the exhaustion. This cycle of hyperarousal and hypoarousal is essential to address.
You need to find a balance and understand your window of tolerance. In simple terms, know how much you can handle each day regarding cleaning and organizing without depleting your resources. If you obsessively focus on this, you’ll eventually run out of energy. Recognizing your tolerance levels will help you function more optimally and reprogram your nervous system.
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