Mentioning “others” or “people” instantly shifts their focus. They’ll often adjust their tone or backtrack to maintain their desired image for the perceived crowd, even if no one else is physically present.
Why These Strategies Work
Narcissists thrive on emotional engagement (positive or negative) and control. Neutral statements starve them of the emotional reaction they crave. Limiting exposure reduces their opportunities for manipulation. Appealing to their audience obsession taps into their core insecurity – how they are perceived – prompting more restrained or even slightly more considerate behavior (though not genuine empathy).
A Final Note: Self-Reflection
If you’re reading this and asking, “Could I be the narcissist?” – that self-awareness alone strongly suggests you’re not. True narcissists lack the capacity for such introspection or accountability.
Dealing with narcissistic behavior is exhausting. Remember the core principles: recognize the unwinnable “praise or provoke” game, arm yourself with neutral phrases, keep interactions brief, and sometimes, remind them the world is watching. You can’t change them, but you can protect your own peace and navigate these interactions with far less distress.
Jefferson Fischer is a trial attorney and communication expert dedicated to helping people have conversations that change everything. Find more strategies in his book “The Next Conversation” or explore courses at the School of Communication.
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