If a narcissist senses that the other person in the relationship may be tired of constant manipulation and lies and is ready to do something about it, they won’t be happy. Their thought process can be boiled down to this sentiment: if anyone is going to set the rules or end the relationship, it will be me. They intensely dislike the idea that the other person has agency and can cut off their source of narcissistic supply, leading them to double down on manipulation or lies, making false promises, offering insincere apologies, or even ending the relationship to prove they are in control, even when it’s ending.
Number 2: Leaving Them
This point ties in with the previous one. Narcissistic people do not like being left or broken up with. While a healthy person may genuinely grieve the loss of their partner as a unique individual, a narcissistic person dislikes losing control by being broken up with, which evokes their shame and fear of losing an object—their partner—from whom they can extract narcissistic supply.
Number 1: Having Their Deficits Publicly Exposed
Narcissists have one primary objective: to protect their hypersensitive egos. Their inflated sense of importance, egotistical behavior, impaired empathy, and grandiosity are all strategies to protect that ego. For a narcissist, there is no greater breach than being publicly humiliated by having their deficits exposed. This creates a lot of psychological distress and cognitive dissonance. Even the smallest public indicators that suggest they might not be who they want to be—a high-status person—cause them to react in ways that seem completely out of proportion. This constant fear of having their weaknesses publicly visible impedes their ability to learn from mistakes and commit to self-growth.
