Denying them instant gratification. In a paper published by psychologists Simin Vazir and David C. Founder in Personality and Social Psychology Review, the authors argue, based on an extensive meta-analysis of the literature on narcissism, that one of the key traits of narcissistic personalities is their impulsivity. They claim that narcissists almost always prioritize immediate gratification, especially in areas that serve their ego enhancement strategies—social status, social recognition, and short-term positive emotions—over their long-term goals. What will make a narcissist really angry is denying them instant pleasure in those domains which they believe they deserve by default.
Number 8: Calling Them Out
Calling them out on their inappropriate behavior. Narcissists really dislike criticism, especially when it’s merited and well-deserved, because it evokes an emotion that is likely one of the most difficult for them to process and regulate: shame. Not remorse, not regret, but shame. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, calling a narcissistic person out on their behavior will fill them with shame, especially if done in front of others, which can result in anger, deflection, blame shifting, and endless tirades about how the person calling them out is victimizing them. Moreover, as Dr. Durvasula notes, calling them out on their egocentric, entitled, aggressive, or passive-aggressive behavior is unlikely to result in any change, particularly if done privately, because narcissists likely won’t listen to anything that threatens their ego.
Number 7: Pinging Their Insecurity
Pinging their particular insecurities. It is well established that the more grandiose narcissists’ defenses are, the more insecure they are likely to be. They can be insecure about their looks, intelligence, status, money, popularity, or any other area likely to be judged by superficial standards. Since narcissistic personalities are fixated on these superficial qualities, they can easily enter into a shame-based rage fit if you point out that they have, like everyone else, deficits in those areas. While benign narcissists might be vapid, the more malignant types can also be psychologically or physically dangerous, which is why it’s advisable not to provoke them.
Number 6: Not Arguing with Them
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