8. They exploit holidays to punish or reward.
Narcissists don’t see holidays as a time for love and connection; they see them as opportunities to manipulate. If you’ve pleased them, they might shower you with charm or gifts, but if you dared to set a boundary or say no, you’re suddenly left out, ignored, or given a passive-aggressive lump of coal. Psychologist Dr. Carol McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Free of You?, explains that narcissists use affection and rejection as tools to control others, often saying they give love like a paycheck—only if you’ve earned it according to their rules. So holidays become emotional landmines where your presence or your present depends on how well you played by their unspoken script.
9. They love to one-up everyone.
To narcissists, every joyful moment becomes a competition they have to win. You bring a thoughtful gift; they bring a gift that costs more than your rent. You share a funny story; they interrupt with an epic tale of survival in the Amazon, which suspiciously sounds like a Netflix documentary. As Dr. Les Carter, therapist and author of Enough About You, Let’s Talk About Me, puts it, “Narcissists are addicted to feeling superior, even at the cost of connection.” So instead of celebrating together, you’re caught in a constant game of emotional leapfrog. They don’t just want to join the party; they want to own it.
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