4. They pick fights to create a scene.
Emotional chaos is a weapon to a narcissist. When things feel peaceful and loving, that threatens their need to dominate the mood. So, they’ll poke, prod, and provoke until someone takes the bait. As psychotherapist Shannon Thomas explains in her book Healing from Hidden Abuse, narcissists often use emotional baiting to stir up drama. They do this not because they’re bored, but because they crave control over everyone’s emotional state. Picking fights, especially at meaningful events, lets them hijack the atmosphere and reinsert themselves into the narrative. So, if they’re flipping tables over potato salad, it’s not random; it’s a power play with a side of stuffing.
5. They have unrealistic expectations and then punish you for not meeting them. Narcissists build up over-the-top fantasies about how the day should go, usually with them being adored like royalty. When reality doesn’t match their imaginary script, they turn cold, bitter, or explosive. As therapist Eleanor Payson writes in The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, “The narcissist’s fantasy world sets the stage for disappointment and blame.” They won’t tell you what they expected, of course; they just expect you to magically know and then punish you when you don’t deliver. So, if they’re pouting in the corner or suddenly picking a fight over nothing, it’s probably because the holiday didn’t turn into their personal red carpet event.
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