Another thing you will never catch a narcissist doing is being polite to others, unless of course, they are in public where everyone can see them being polite and respectful of others. When they are behind closed doors, they are much more relaxed, and this is when you will see the true colors of the narcissist’s character. Being polite to others is not a part of their makeup that they feel is important or deserved in any way. So, for example, they may hang up on you without saying goodbye, or you may catch them being really rude to people in the service industry, like waiters and housekeepers. And what’s even worse is that they want others to feel that they are being disrespected because it makes them feel superior. They use it as evidence to prove to themselves that they are indeed superior to other people. If you are dating someone, and they are constantly cruel or unkind to someone in the service industry, that is a huge, huge red flag. You should try to start distancing yourself from this person as soon as possible.
They will not talk about deep emotions. They don’t do this, quite frankly, because they do not experience deep emotions like love, compassion, shame, or empathy. So, they don’t only avoid them because they are trying to maintain control and dominance over another person, which is part of why they are doing it, but also because they genuinely have no idea what these deep emotions really feel like. They are unable to talk about them because they are completely unknown to the narcissist, and they don’t understand how to define or explain these deep emotions.
They will never let someone prove them wrong. And if you try, you better brace yourself for some really horrific things that are headed your way. The truth to a narcissist is whatever version of reality they can benefit from in that moment. As the narcissist’s needs and desires change, so will the so-called “truth.” And they will live and die by that narrative they have created, regardless of mountains of evidence to the contrary. The narrative the narcissist creates, almost without exception, will put the narcissist in one of three roles. They will portray themselves as the hero, the victim, or the martyr. And in some cases, they may claim to be all three at once. However, they will never acknowledge or admit the fact that the true role they played was that of the villain, the pathological liar, the manipulator, the con man, the deceiver, the phony, and the fraud. And if you try to prove them wrong, you will regret it because they will view your rejection of the narrative they have created as not being in any way based in reality.
And last but certainly not least, they do not show or feel empathy for others, including you and their own kids, unless, of course, their so-called empathy is in front of others or outside the house. Narcissists, as we all know, are completely depleted of any form of empathy. True empathy for others is something they just do not understand. And when they are behind closed doors, and the mask starts coming off slowly but surely, they will not empathize with you. It’s just not ever going to happen.
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