The Journey Begins: Ignored Hunger and Emotional Turmoil
The day we left, my inner voice was screaming, “This is not going to be a good experience for you,” but what could I do? The decision had already been made for me. We flew to a different state, landed, and the quest for a perfect coaching center began. By the time we reached the locality where all of these coaching centers were situated, it was already afternoon. He didn’t mention lunch. I was really hungry and, at the same time, afraid of him. I had never expressed my needs in front of him because they were never validated. In the past, he had shamed me heavily, so I kept my mouth shut. We kept going. It was 3:00 p.m. and nobody mentioned eating. He ignored both his body and mine. 4:00 p.m. passed, then 5:00 p.m., then 6:00 p.m.—still nothing. He wanted me to rent a room and study in a very shabby place.
Rebellion and Relocation: Standing Up for Myself
I rebelled. I cried, and I’m proud of myself for doing that. I said, “No, I’m not going to live there. I’m not going to study there. This isn’t for me.” Then he gave me an alternative: “We’re not going back home. You have to choose either this place or the other place.” The point is, I said no, and then we traveled again. All we had in between was an apple. We took a bus. Nobody talked about eating. I started feeling really hungry but, again, was too afraid to stand up for myself. He got a can of soft drink. I hate sugar, but I still took it. I didn’t drink it, though. We continued our journey, which lasted nine hours. I didn’t sleep for even a minute because, deep down, I was grieving. I was in pain, feeling the separation from my safe place, but I was not able to express it in words. He slept like a baby, as they all do. At 7:00 a.m., we reached the next place.
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