A point comes in every narcissistic relationship where a survivor is forced to behave in ways similar to how a narcissist behaves, and that makes them think they’re a narcissist as well. For example, going no contact may be perceived as ghosting the narcissist because they ghost you. When they ghost you, they block you from all places and don’t talk to you, which is similar to no contact. Gray rocking can feel like stonewalling them by showing no emotions, but they also show you no emotions whatsoever when punishing you. So where do we draw the line? What sets you apart from the narcissist and their evil intentions?
Behavior Number One: No Contact Policy vs. Narcissist Ghosting
When you go no contact with a narcissist, what is your intention? Your intention is to protect yourself because you have tried everything in your capacity to fix them, to fix the relationship, and to fix yourself. Unfortunately, nothing worked, so you were left with only one option, which was to cut them off because they kept taking supply from you. They kept repeating the same cycle again and again, and you kept losing yourself. So, you had to run away, save yourself, save your sanity, and give yourself a chance to heal. But when a narcissist ghosts you, which looks like no contact, what is their intention? Their intention is to punish you, to break you, to torture you, to psychologically strangle you, to make you settle for breadcrumbs, to suppress all the issues that you are raising, to avoid taking responsibility, and to make you more compliant. None of this is good. When you go no contact, you’re not trying to harm them. But when a narcissist ghosts you, their only agenda is to destroy you.
Behavior Number Two: Grey Rocking vs. Narcissist Stonewalling
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