In manipulation, it’s subtle, insidious, and designed to control and dominate. Today, in this episode, let’s dissect some of these manipulative phrases to understand how a narcissist demonstrates their narcissism through the things they say. Seemingly benign statements carry a lot of weight and hidden meaning—not only to break your heart but to bend your reality as well.
“After all I have done for you”
Phrase number one: “After all I have done for you.” This phrase is a classic guilt trip designed to make you feel indebted and create an obligation where one shouldn’t exist. The narcissist uses this to remind you of their good deeds, regardless of whether these deeds were asked for, needed, or came with strings attached. It’s an attempt to shift the balance of power and create a sense of obligation that they exploit to their advantage.
My own mother, a master of manipulation, would use this phrase to her advantage each time I refused to comply with her demands. The words would drip from her lips, laced with a sense of betrayal and hurt: “After all that I have sacrificed for you!” It wasn’t just the words; it was a theatrical performance that came with them. She would spit on her hands—a literal demonstration of the disgust she felt—making me feel as though I was the monster for causing her such pain. This was her way of burying me under a mountain of shame, making me believe that I was ungrateful and disregarding her sacrifices. The reality, of course, was that these sacrifices she spoke of were often self-serving. They were made not for my benefit but for hers, and yet she wielded them as a weapon—a means of control, a tool to keep me in check. The guilt, the shame, the obligation—all of it was designed to keep me under her thumb, to make me more compliant, to make me feel as though I owed her.
“You will never find someone else like me”
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