When you have an attachment disorder, it makes it very difficult for you to perceive emotions, understand the other person, but also to connect to the other person. When you can’t connect yourself, how do you expect that person to be able to connect to another person? You can’t, and this is where the issues lay, this is where the problems are. You know, you believe or feel like the narcissist loves you, but not in the way that you understand.”
You’re always chasing your tail; you’re always chasing that part at the beginning because you’ve seen it, you’ve had a taste of it, and you’re thinking, ‘Okay, maybe they are like this, maybe they’re just going through a tough time.’ You make excuses. But at some point, you have to understand that this person is not okay, this person can’t connect to you in the way that you want them to, and the love that you experience from this narcissist isn’t the love that you kind of understand or expect.”
Their love is obsessive; their love is engulfing, but then it’s also nothingness. And it’s also something that you crave, that you are trauma bonded to. There’s also a betrayal bond; they also tell you lies. You see, so it’s this fantasy that we create about this person that we feel that they love us. We feel, at some point, that they have loved us, but actually, this love never existed. This love was just a mirage of what you wanted it to be, and we make up these scenarios or these kind of stories in our head.
We think, ‘Okay, maybe it is this, maybe this person doesn’t feel good, or maybe I’m getting it wrong.’ And we internalize it, and we think that at some point, we are making a mistake or we are being too harsh on this person because it’s hot and cold all the time. So at points, it can feel good, and then at other points, they withdraw, and it’s what makes it really difficult to gauge whether this person actually is in love with you.
At what point will a narcissist go quiet?
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