Another common strategy narcissists use is blame shifting, which is very effective if the victim is unaware that it is happening. Blame shifting occurs when the narcissist blames you for being the reason they did what they did. Essentially, they admit they did what they are being accused of but assign the reason for their actions to you, the victim. For example, if you caught the narcissist cheating, they might say they wouldn’t have had to cheat if you hadn’t gained so much weight. Or if you caught them in a lie, they might say they lied only because they had to, due to your insecurities and craziness. This is very successful if you don’t realize what they are doing, as it gets the actual victim to believe they are the reason for the narcissist’s terrible actions.
Next, a very common tactic that narcissists use to escape accountability is triangulation. This occurs when they try to blame someone else and pit you against that other person, holding them responsible rather than holding the narcissist accountable. They might say they wouldn’t have done what they did if it wasn’t for so-and-so getting involved or causing the problem to begin with. Be aware of this tactic and don’t fall for it.
Finally, narcissists are infamous for utilizing gaslighting to escape accountability. They may tell you that you’re crazy and that they didn’t do what you are accusing them of. They might claim they have no idea what you’re talking about and suggest that something is wrong with you for thinking they did what you are accusing them of. They often try to make you believe that you are imagining things or completely insane for even thinking they did what you are accusing them of. This is incredibly dangerous for the victim when it works, because over time, a victim who is continually subjected to gaslighting may become more dependent on the narcissist’s interpretation of events rather than relying on their own perceptions and beliefs. In severe cases, it can even make the victim believe they are losing their mind and must indeed be crazy, as the narcissist continually tells them.
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