Of course, there are rare cases when a narcissist does change. It usually takes a major life event to crack the façade—like a divorce, public failure, or losing someone they truly depended on. In those moments, a small window may open. They might begin to reflect honestly, to question their patterns, to feel a form of sorrow that borders on remorse. But for lasting growth to occur, they would need to sit with that discomfort and resist the urge to blame others. They would need to develop emotional awareness, humility, and the courage to see themselves as they truly are. Sadly, most narcissists never make it that far.
What makes this conversation so difficult is that narcissists can be incredibly convincing. They may say they regret something. They may cry, apologize, or express a desire to change. But their version of regret often lacks follow-through. It’s more about managing perception than making amends. The words sound right, but the behavior doesn’t shift. They may “miss” you or “regret” how things ended—but only until they find a new source of attention or admiration. Their regret is conditional, temporary, and rooted in self-interest.
For those who have loved or lived with a narcissist, this realization can be heartbreaking. You might find yourself wondering if they ever think of you. If they ever sit alone and realize what they’ve done. If they truly feel the weight of your absence. And while it’s possible that something within them stirs—a memory, a pang of loss—it’s important to remember that the narcissist’s inner world is built to protect them from accountability. Regret, in its purest form, asks too much of someone who sees vulnerability as a weakness.
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