And a final trait I’m going to talk about today, but I’m sure there are tons more. Feel free to leave those in the comments. But this trait is split. Now I’ve talked about splitting in relation to BPD, or borderline personality disorder. Splitting is when we believe people are all good or all bad. It’s very much like an all-or-nothing, black-and-white way of thinking. But this also happens in NPD or people with narcissistic traits.
We can think that if someone does something that’s just a slight, let’s say someone points out something we didn’t do well and we are the ones with narcissistic tendencies, we can automatically assume that person is the worst. They don’t belong in our lives; they’re not good enough. We should never have let them be around us. We can either shame and blame, or we can get other people in our life.
Remember those flying monkeys? We can get them to shame and blame them, to prove that we are better and they’re all bad. Or we can have people that we put on pedestals. Often, newer people in a narcissist’s life will be like these amazing people. They’ll think that everything is great, and everything they do is amazing because, again, there are no boundaries, right? They’re so closely connected to us that if we think that person is successful, maybe they’re kind of a celebrity in some ways, or very important in their work, maybe the structure of their work or whatever, we can look at them and that connection and think, well, that’s just because of me, right? And so I’m connected to that person, so we can put them as all good or all bad.
A very wonderful book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself (English Edition)
If you still wonder, am I a narcissist, or is that person in my life a narcissist? Here are a quick few questions to help you maybe answer that:
Number one, does the thought of being a narcissist make you feel bad for those around you?
Think about it. Yes or no.
Number two, are you concerned about how others feel?
Would it bother you if you knew that you upset someone?
Number three, are you quick to apologize when you’ve hurt someone else’s feelings?
Number four, does too much attention make you nervous or anxious?
If you answered yes to any of these, it’s most likely that you are not a narcissist. I mean, think about what we just talked about. That means you show empathy, you apologize quickly, and you don’t like attention. It’s not likely. But here are a few more questions that you might consider if you’re still having a tough time.
Number one, do you see your friends or children as extensions of you? Are they representing you and living out your life?
Number two, do you often think that other people aren’t good enough to associate with you?
Number three, do you struggle to apologize or often think that any disagreement is someone else’s fault?
And number four, do you struggle to see things from someone else’s perspective, or is it hard to imagine how someone else might be feeling as a result of what just happened now?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it is possible that you might have some narcissistic tendencies. Again, it’s really important that we see a professional and get properly assessed so that we can make sure that’s what’s going on. But those are some things that kind of line up with some of those traits. Overall, if you’re reading this article and you’re genuinely concerned as to whether you’re a narcissist or not, chances are you’re not.
Thank you for continuing reading, please don’t forget to share this article with your family and friends.
