The secret I’m talking about lies at the core of their true self: they hate themselves more than anyone ever could. You heard me right—there is nothing but hatred in a narcissist’s psyche, directed at their true self and the idea of who they are. You may question this, thinking every narcissist you’ve met seems to love themselves a lot. Isn’t narcissism all about selfishness and putting oneself first? This is a paradox and part of the dichotomy that makes understanding narcissists so difficult.
There is cognitive dissonance even in understanding them because one part of you knows them as codependent beings who need supply from others, while the other part has been forced to see them as independent, omnipotent, and invincible. So which one is true? The truth is, they hate themselves for who they are. They loathe the fact that they have to depend on others to survive; it is pure parasitism, vampirism. They need others, and they despise themselves for needing you.
Reflect on this for a moment: you see yourself as a powerful being, but at the same time, you need others to function. If they leave you, you collapse. The same grandiose person who thinks the world should chase them starts chasing supply once they disconnect because they have been hurt so much. The same person who feels entitled and thinks it’s okay to treat others like doormats tries to breadcrumb their victims to avoid abandonment.
This creates self-hatred because they are going against the very nature they so desperately want to be true, and that’s why they hate you. When they need you or bring you down in their mind, you become the problem. Had you not left them, they would never have felt the need to destroy you. So what do they do? They project that hatred onto you and onto others. This is the deepest reason why they never take responsibility.
The SECRET to having compassion for a narcissist
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