You know what I think is one of the most disturbing things about narcissists? It’s not the lying. It’s not the rage. It’s not even the manipulation. It’s the hypocrisy.
Narcissists often present themselves as the most ethical person in the room—principled and morally superior. They posture as the good parent, the devoted spouse, the honest one, the victim, and the voice of reason. If you only knew them publicly, you might actually believe it. But behind closed doors, it’s a completely different story. They lie, they gaslight, they manipulate, they insult, and they terrorize their own families without feeling guilty about it. They don’t feel ashamed. In fact, they feel entitled. That contradiction—the split between public virtue and private cruelty—is not an accident; it’s part of the structure.
Today, we’re talking about narcissists and hypocrisy—specifically, why they are such huge hypocrites. Let’s discuss why they do this. For a narcissist, image is everything; not character, integrity, or consistency, but image. They don’t build their identity around who they are internally; they build it around how they are perceived externally. The more fragile the ego, the more aggressive the performance. Have you ever noticed how loudly some of them advertise their morality? They emphasize loyalty, honesty, kindness, faith, and principles.
Real character doesn’t need constant advertising, but a false self does. The image isn’t just decoration; it’s literal protection. And here’s where it gets psychologically fascinating. Most survivors ask, “How can they preach about honesty while lying so easily? How can they talk about loyalty while cheating? How can they condemn abuse while abusing?” The answer lies in compartmentalization.
Narcissists live in split realities. There’s the public self—polished, ethical, and admired—and the private self—reactive, controlling, and entitled. They don’t experience that as hypocrisy the way you do, because their morality isn’t anchored in consistency; it’s anchored in self-preservation. If hurting you protects their ego, they will justify it. If smearing you protects their image, they will rationalize it. They don’t see contradictions; they see necessities.
Now, let’s talk about entitlement. This is the part people don’t fully grasp. Narcissists genuinely believe they are entitled to their behavior. If they feel disrespected, even slightly, they believe retaliation is justified. If they feel exposed, even accurately, they believe an attack is warranted. If they feel injured, even in their imagination, they believe punishment is appropriate. Because their internal system revolves around protecting the false self, they grant themselves permission to do whatever stabilizes their ego.
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