A narcissist finds you as a unicorn but leaves you as a donkey. They spot your glow, your kindness, your rare mix of strength and softness. And then they tell themselves you are the prize they want—the one who will fix their brokenness. That is the peak of idealization.
Then they get to work. They break your shine in tiny, sneaky ways. Not all at once, not with a clear punch. They do it slowly: with smiles, with promises, with helpless looks, weaponized incompetence, with guilt and sweet words that turn sour the moment you stop worshiping their ego.
By the end, you are carrying their life on your back like a donkey while they sit and point. You look in the mirror and wonder where your light went. You are exhausted all the time, confused, yet trained to think that this is the best you can get. That is the trick. That is the pain, and today we will break it wide open.
Stage 1: The Pedestal Phase
Stage number one: they put you on a pedestal and treat you like a princess. You know, at the start, they study you like a project. They mirror your values, music, wounds, your dreams. They call you perfect and tell you they have never met anyone like you. You know the future faking, right? They say fate brought you together. They call you their soulmate. They flood your phone and plan dates that feel cinematic. They steal your magic. This is a sales pitch, not love.
The pedestal is not for worship; it’s for control. When you sit up there, you’re careful. You work hard to keep the energy high. You feel chosen, so you’ll silence those small doubts that may arise. They also set a standard in your mind. They teach you that love feels like fireworks and urgency and big words. Once you accept their story, it’s hard to change it later when they go cold. That’s the motive. Behind the show, they gather data. What hurts you? What do you want most? Who do you respect? Who do you fear? Which family ties matter and which do not? Whether you want children or not, whether you are generous with money, whether you are quick to forgive. Every compliment has an echo; they will use it later to guilt you.
The princess treatment sets up the fall. It also builds the hook. You will compare everything to this sugar high.
Stage 2: The Helpless Act
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