Nobody wants to admit this, but we all have childhood experiences that broke us. Sometimes those moments are small and easy to overlook, but they leave marks on how we feel about ourselves and the world.
If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, those moments might have been even harder, full of confusion, pain, and feeling unseen. Today, we’ll explore the five childhood moments that broke you if you were raised by a narcissist.
Are you ready for number one? You were the parent, not the child. When did you stop being a kid? Maybe it was the day you had to calm your mother down after a meltdown or when your father told you things no child should ever hear, expecting you to be his therapist. If you were raised by a narcissist, chances are you had to grow up way too fast. You weren’t just a kid; you were the peacekeeper, the fixer, the emotional sponge. This role reversal is called parentification.
Psychologist Dr. Lindseay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explains that children in these roles often feel invisible because their emotional needs were sidelined in favor of the parents. And now, even though you’ve grown up, that pressure hasn’t really gone away; it’s just changed shape. You might be the one who always keeps the peace in your relationships, avoids confrontation at all costs, or puts others’ needs far above your own. Maybe you feel guilty for saying no or anxious when someone is upset, even if it has nothing to do with you. That’s the hidden aftermath of being cast as the emotional caretaker in your family.
As psychologist Dr. Nicole Leera writes in her book, How to Do the Work, when children are forced into roles of caretaking, they learn to disconnect from their own needs in order to survive. Even now, you may find it difficult to know what you truly want because you were wired to focus on everyone else’s emotions instead of your own. But here’s the truth: You were never supposed to carry their pain. That wasn’t your job; it never was.
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