Narcissists intentionally disorganize the house just to undo your efforts. They often pretend to be careless or disorganized, but it’s not as innocent as it looks. When you start putting effort into your space—cleaning, tidying, making things feel calm—they notice. And they notice it with resentment because they do not like what your effort represents. What does it represent? Peace. And that threatens them. Order reminds them they are not in control. So they start undoing your work—not all at once and never in ways that are easy to call out. A drawer left open here, a pile of clothes tossed on the chair, the kitten left dirty right after you cleaned it. And when you ask about it, they shrug, “You’re too sensitive. It’s not that serious.” But it is. It is a slow, intentional erosion of something you are building to feel safe. They want to bring you back to a state of exhaustion where you stop caring, where you give up on having a peaceful environment because it never lasts anyway. What they are really doing is reasserting their dominance without ever raising their voice. See, it’s not about you; it’s about control. It’s about pushing you to the edge without ever looking like they’re doing anything wrong. And when you finally stop organizing, stop decorating, stop trying, they win. Because now the space reflects their inner world again, not yours. And the crazy part is they then blame you for being so untidy, so messy, disorganized, and for cluttering the house.
Have you experienced any of these? Let me know in the comments. Also, share what other hobbies you think narcissists have. With that, let’s bring this episode to an end. I will talk to you in the next one. And until then, as always, let the healing begin.
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