1. “You’re Allowed to Feel That Way”
Let’s say you’re trying to make a point to the narcissist, and instead of validating you, they shift blame or accuse you of something. Rather than convincing them they’re wrong, say something like, “You’re allowed to feel that way,” or “Thank you for letting me know how you feel.” Then stay focused on your point. When they shift blame again, simply respond, “Well, I just wanted you to know how I feel.” The temptation is to make sure they understand you, but they won’t. They know you want that, and they’ll give you the opposite. But express yourself and then move on.
2. “I Hear You”
If the narcissist is making absurd claims or saying things that are completely false, you can simply say, “I hear you. Thank you for expressing your viewpoint.” By saying this, you’re not agreeing with them nor discrediting your own viewpoint. Instead, you’re releasing the urge to align with their view, which will never happen.
3. “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way”
When the narcissist engages in name-calling—whether covertly or overtly—saying things like, “You’re so selfish,” or “You’re the one causing all the problems,” don’t step into the quicksand by trying to show them they’re wrong. Remember, you don’t need their approval to hold on to your reality. A powerful response is, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” This phrase prevents you from absorbing their insult, helping you to recognize that it’s their perception and not your truth. You don’t need to convince them of the truth, especially when you know they’ll never see it. Respond with “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and you’ll feel grounded.
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