But here’s the tricky part: this silence doesn’t stay in the past. Even when you’re no longer in an abusive environment, the habit can stick. You might withdraw in new relationships or at work because your mind stays in self-preservation mode. The good news is that you can unlearn this. Start by reminding yourself that silence isn’t your only option anymore. Practice speaking up in small, low-risk situations and remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes.
4. Constantly Checking if the Doors are Locked
Constantly checking if the doors are locked can become a habit that feels impossible to shake. If you have gone through narcissistic abuse, it’s not just about safety—it’s about control. When you’ve lived in an environment where things were unpredictable or felt out of control, locking the door becomes symbolic. It’s like your brain is saying, “I need to make sure nothing else gets in that can hurt me.” Trauma expert Dr. Stephen Porges, known for his polyvagal theory, explains that trauma puts your nervous system on high alert, making you hyper-aware of potential threats. That repeated door-checking is your nervous system trying to feel secure in a world that once felt dangerous.
What’s tricky is that this behavior can follow you even after you’re safe. You might double or triple-check doors, not because you expect danger, but because your body remembers feeling unsafe. While this habit can be frustrating, it’s important to give yourself grace. You’re not paranoid; you’re healing. Over time, with practices like grounding techniques or mindfulness, you can teach your brain to relax and trust again. Locking the door once is enough. Your safety now doesn’t depend on your vigilance but on the fact that you’ve taken your power back.
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