2. Overcommunicating
When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, overcommunicating becomes almost like a reflex. You might find yourself sending a flurry of messages or overly explaining every little thing to avoid conflict or gain their approval. This behavior often stems from walking on eggshells for so long that silence feels dangerous, like a ticking time bomb. You might think that if you explain yourself enough, they’ll understand or at least not explode.
But the hard truth is that no matter how much you communicate, a narcissist will twist it to fit their narrative. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist specializing in narcissistic abuse, explains this dynamic well: you become so focused on not upsetting them that you end up losing your voice in the process. The tricky part is that this overcommunicating can linger even when the narcissist is out of your life. You might overexplain to your friends, family, or even at work, as if you’re still bracing for criticism or rejection. It’s like you’re constantly auditioning for approval. Recognizing this habit is the first step toward breaking it. Ask yourself: am I communicating to connect, or am I trying to preempt a reaction? Learning to pause, breathe, and trust that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your existence is where your freedom starts.
3. Sitting in Silence for Long Periods
Silence can feel like both a shield and a trap. You might sit in silence for hours, afraid that saying the wrong thing could spark an argument with the narcissist or lead to punishment. Your brain has decided it’s safer to shut down than to risk making a move. This kind of silence isn’t peaceful; it’s heavy. You’re constantly overthinking, replaying past interactions, or mentally rehearsing what you should say next. As Dr. Judith Herman explains in her book “Trauma and Recovery,” survivors of chronic trauma often develop strategies of appeasement or withdrawal to minimize danger. Sitting in silence becomes your way of minimizing that danger—it’s your brain trying to keep you safe.
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