The term “loyalty” is not an appropriate term to describe this whole thing, but for the lack of a better word, we have to use that. The truth is these members are always eager to outlive each other. They’re fighting to go up in the hierarchy, to come closer to the matriarch or the patriarch, or to win their approval. And in the process of doing so, they gaslight each other, they manipulate each other, they destroy each other, but still stay together, which is crazy. And I am telling you that from my personal experience. This is what I have seen happening in my father’s side of the family and in my mother’s side of the family as well. My father used to fight fiercely, of course not necessarily physically, with his brothers, but still, they were like this. Whenever there is a problem, they would be like this. The same is applicable to my mother; she would backbite, but again, they’re like this.
4. They fear exclusion as it is a cult
The narcissist stays loyal to their family because they fear total exclusion as it is a cult. It functions in a very black and white manner. Either you’re fully absorbed in and you become them, or you are totally excluded. You’re never let in, which is what is happening to you. You’re always treated like an outsider, no matter what you do for them, what you give them, how you prove yourself. Because you are a partner of somebody who is seen as an asset, and because you have now become a part of their life, to the narcissistic cult of a family, that means betrayal. That means you have taken them away.
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