There is a third person actively involved in your relationship with a narcissist. You did not marry them or date them, but they are there every single day, haunting your marriage like a ghost that refuses to leave. Who am I talking about? I’m referring to your mother-in-law, the narcissist’s mother.
Usually, when we think about cheating, what comes to mind? A mistress. We envision secret texts, hidden apps, and late nights at the office. But the most dangerous “other woman” is not a stranger. In a narcissist’s life, it is the woman who gave him birth. This is what we call Emotional Incest: The Narcissistic Mother-Son Dynamic.
Emotional incest is a dynamic where the son treats his mother not as a parent but as his primary emotional partner. Meanwhile, you, the actual wife or girlfriend, are treated like the intruder or outsider. You are the mistress in your own relationship. As crazy as it sounds, he gives her the attention, loyalty, and intimacy that rightfully belong to you.
One of the most disturbing ways this manifests is in the places he takes her. These are not just family errands; they are locations that hold significance for a romantic relationship. When he takes her there, he is physically replacing you, or at least that’s how you feel. He is showing the world, “This is my real wife.” If you dare to talk about it or complain, you are labeled as jealous, crazy, or controlling.
Today, I am going to validate that sick feeling in your stomach. We will discuss five inappropriate places a narcissistic man takes his narcissistic mother.
Number One: The Nightclub—A Disturbing Display of Enmeshment
The nightclub is one of the ugliest displays of enmeshment you will ever see between the two of them. A nightclub is a place for sexual tension, loud music, letting loose, and peer-to-peer interaction. It’s a space meant for friends or lovers, not mothers. But the narcissistic man loves taking her there. Why? Because it serves two dark purposes.
First, it feeds a “cool girl” narrative. He wants to show her off as the fun mom who can hang with the younger crowd. You see them on the dance floor, and the vibe is wrong—too close or too intimate. He might be buying her drinks, whispering in her ear, or even dancing inappropriately, making everyone around them uncomfortable. He’s treating her like his date.
Second, it is designed to humiliate you. If you are there, you are usually sitting on the sidelines, holding the coats while they are the center of attention. If you are not there, he sends a clear message: “I don’t need you to have fun. My mother is here. She’s my best friend.”
He is sexualizing the dynamic with her to triangulate with you, wanting you to compete with her. When you point out that it’s weird to party with his mom until 3:00 a.m., he snaps. He says, “She sacrificed everything for me. Why can’t she have fun? Why are you so insecure?” He weaponizes her title as mother to mask his inappropriate behavior.
Number Two: The Parties You Were Supposed to Attend—Plus One Displacement
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