Number three: And the most important one: create your safe haven. Your earlier environment was filled with chaos. Now that you are about to leave them or you have already left them, your environment should be free from any narcissistic presence, turbulence, or confusion. It should be still, even if it is just one corner, one room with no furniture, nothing, just you, some mattresses, some cushions, some dishes, and that’s it. Start with that, because I did, and I can’t tell you how healing it was, especially in the beginning of my recovery. I didn’t have a lot, but I had peace. I had freedom to be, I had freedom to sleep. I was not constantly keeping an eye out, watching for the next move, trying to listen, being hyper-attuned to the environment, being hypervigilant. Your environment should be narcissist-free. And why? Because if you are at peace, you will defeat them. They don’t want you to be at peace; they want you to fight them. They want you to stay stuck, trying to prove yourself, trying to chase stability because they don’t have it. They are eternally dissatisfied individuals, and they are destined to be that until forever. You, on the other hand, can create a new environment. Environment matters. It’s not just the inner work; it’s the outer work as well. A lot of self-help out there hyper-focuses on inner work. Inner work, yes, it’s good, it’s needed. But what we do not talk about is the environment. If your environment is shitty, if you’re living with a predator, if you’re living with a tiger, for example, and you’re trying to relax, will you be able to relax? Because it can kill you at any moment, and your brain won’t let go of fight, flight, freeze. So for you to truly defeat them, you will have to remove all these predators and have sanity and safety in your environment first.
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