I would rather be homeless than live with a narcissist again. Why? Well, living with them is like living in the deepest and darkest dungeons of Hell. Nothing feels homely in your own home. You feel like you are in a jail, stuck with monsters, and you keep waiting for that day—the day of your escape. That is how I felt when I was living with my narcissistic family, and that’s why we’re going to talk about this topic in much more depth and detail today.
1. Hoarding vs. Obsessive Cleanliness
They either hoard a lot of stuff or are obsessed with cleanliness. Let’s talk about hoarding behavior first. All narcissists are addicts; there is some form of addiction associated with their narcissistic personality. You will see them addicted to supply, attention, money, materialism, or anything that gives them a sense of control. So, a lot of them like to buy stuff they do not need but only want. They fill the chambers, cupboards, and bedrooms with boxes they don’t need, bringing more and more into the house, creating a cluttered and disorganized environment. There is no space for you to even breathe, and everything is messy. They leave it for you to clean up and won’t care about the condition, yet will always complain about your lack of support: “Oh, you’re not supporting me with stuff.” But why do they need to bring this stuff in when there isn’t enough space? “Oh, you’re crazy; you’re always nagging me. You want to control me, you want to control my finances. I like this; I like that. I can’t throw it away.” And now, God forbid, if you misplace a cup or put it on the counter instead of in the sink or dishwasher, they will rage at you and berate you: “You’re the one keeping this house messy. You have no hygiene whatsoever. You’re the one who keeps blaming me for the same thing you do yourself.”
The story doesn’t stop there. They also bring in a lot of animals. This is not applicable to all narcissists, but some like to get multiple dogs, many cats, guinea pigs—if you can think of it, they can get it. Why? Because they need what is called animalistic supply. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But they need supply from beings who don’t judge people based on their color, money, or other things. They love unconditionally, and that is what the narcissist wants. They also need sadistic supply to torture them and have nobody hold them accountable. Due to their hoarding behavior, the house may always stink, and children may suffer. You need organization as a child in your environment to keep your brain organized. If your house is filled with trash, your life will feel trashy. As a trauma response, you may become obsessed with cleanliness and organization in your adulthood, which is an entirely different thing than what we are about to discuss in a moment.
Now, let’s talk about the other end of the spectrum—their obsession with cleanliness. They’re crazy about it; they want the house to be squeaky clean, almost manifesting as obsessive-compulsive disorder, though it’s not exactly that. There is a good chance it may be a comorbidity with narcissistic personality disorder, but this obsession is a manifestation of their absolute lack of control over their life. They pretend to be minimalistic, but it’s not true minimalism. True minimalism is about only keeping what you need and not getting extra. When a narcissist pretends to be a minimalist, they destroy everything they don’t need. The emphasis is on the word “they”—they do not care about how expensive it is, how you got it, if you need it, or if you love it. They don’t care about your connection with the thing they destroy or throw away, and they do it non-consensually: “Oh, that was taking up too much space.” “Oh, you should have asked me first.” “Oh, this is my house; I will set the rules, and you can’t bring stuff into this house without my permission.” This type of narcissist will not let you have any pets, and if you get any, that poor thing will be abused.
2. The Dark Energy of a Narcissistic Home
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